Aprils Fooling Around Again

Every year I try to play a silly April Fools prank on my brother, classic sibling rivalry. The last few years I have done something small and silly like posting a Free Goats ad on craigslist with his phone number listed. But this year I wanted it to be big. I wanted it to be something I could quite possibly never top. So I started planning and brain storming about a month ago and decided I wanted to stick with the theme of an ad, but bigger. Nothing is bigger to me in an ad than a billboard.

Unfortunately billboards are very expensive, even the digital ones that just flash up different advertisements. So I almost dropped the idea altogether but talked it out with my friends in my band and one of them said he could “make” me a billboard. Now I needed something to put on the billboard…

Ever since we were kids I have always told my brother he was adopted, or hatched from a strange egg, because he had blonde curly hair and the rest of the family had brown straight hair. My wife reminded me of this when I was brainstorming ideas one night and I knew this was going to be it. This was the path to Glory.  

So I told Cory, my Graphic designer friend, my idea and we started working on it a few weeks ago. I started making plans on how I wanted to choreograph this out. I went out and took pictures of billboards that I thought were in unidentifiable locations. Cory got to work on the picture and I started gathering accomplices. Cory finished the photo just in time Sunday night before April Fools.

It was perfect. Very hard to tell it was photo shopped if presented in the right way. I spoke with my cousin, Lauren, at Easter dinner and worked out how I wanted her to post this on Facebook the next morning. Then I spoke with one of Justin’s most trusted friends that also lived in that area, and brought him in on it so he could call and confirm with my brother that he saw it on the way to work. So I told her to post the picture around 7 am with the subtext, “So I saw this on my way to work and had to stop and take a picture. I had NO IDEA my cousin, Justin, was adopted!!” It took him about 7 minutes to see it. Trust me, I sat there at my desk and waited for it. His response, “Oh my God, are you flipping serious?!?!? I am going to kill my brother!! Where is this?!” I was in tears from laughing so hard.

I messaged Justin’s friend Adrian and let him know it was go time. He called me a little later and told me how it went without a hitch.

Adrian: “Umm… Justin… I am on my way to work right now and I am 80%... well 90% sure I saw your face on a giant billboard.”

Justin:”Are you FREAKING serious?!? Where is it?!”

Adrian:”It’s on I-65 past the tank farm exit, I was messing with my radio and barely saw it. Do you know what it says?”

Justin:”Yeah… my brother bought that bill board. It says something about me being ADOPTED.”

Adrian:*Laughs and Laughs*

Justin:”This is so not funny!! It will probably be up there for weeks!!”

                When Adrian reiterated this conversation to me I just died laughing. I couldn’t imagine that this would get much better until Justin actually went looking for the billboard and couldn’t find it. But then the post on Facebook sort of went viral among all of our friends and family. Currently it has been reposted 22 times, and none us are letting on that it is not even really there. I have had a few people saw they were going by there soon and I was able to send them a message and get them to keep playing along.

                Through out the day my brother sent me a lot of threatening messages, but the clincher was when he finally called me.

Justin: “Hey…”

LeAlan: “Hey Buddy, How’s it going?”

Justin: “Is this for real?”

LeAlan: “Did you see the picture? Yeah… it’s real. “

Justin: “*Groans* How long is it gonna be up there for?”

LeAlan: “Well they said 2 weeks minimum, but maybe longer if they don’t get a replacement ad soon.”

Justin:”Oh my God… When did they even put it up?”

LeAlan:” Oh they put it up a few days ago, and then covered it with a film that they tore off yesterday afternoon, I was worried someone would see it last night.”

Justin: “Well… you got me. All the guys here at work are rolling. I guess the only good thing about this is that you will never top it!”

LeAlan: “Yeah that’s probably true. Well, call me when you want to go see it and I’ll ride down there with you.”

Justin:”Alright, yeah I’ll call you after work.” 

He sounded so defeated. It was glorious.

Here we are, still in the middle of a story in progress. I am going to tell him in a little bit, to save him a trip down there, but I am going to let him stew in it as long as possible. I can’t really say there has ever been a time where I have laughed quite this much or this hard. This will long be one of my happiest memories and I am sure the subject of conversations for many years to come.

Dusk to Dawn

Finished a Duology from Tim Lebbon this week, the first book being Dusk and the last book being Dawn. I have read a lot of Fantasy and Sci-fi books but these are some of the darkest I have ever read. Typical Post Apocalyptic world with fantasy characteristics, but what really sets it apart is the brutalness of the world, descriptions, and characters. The story is enthralling but very gruesome as well. The violence starts off very early and continues throughout the entire series, but the characters are so raw and compelling that you easily look past that. I really enjoyed both books and would recommend them to anyone who likes Fantasy/Sci-Fi or even Horror.

Old Poetry

My favorite poem is "The Jabberwocky" by Lewis Carroll. The imagery generated from this poem really enticed me as a kid and even now as an adult. This next poem I dug up from an old blog that I actually forgot I ever started and happened upon it by logging in with the wrong email address. I hope you enjoy it.

Doitley Doo

It came upon the east coast wamping,
wamping, wamping, rolling and stomping,
its skin of amber goo, and eyes of more than two,
it womped north and it womped south,
and glistening fangs sprung from its mouth.
And it roared "Doitley DOO, Doitley DOO!"

And the peasants did cry!
And the Trees and Flowers Died!
In the wake of Doitley Doo!

But a Hero came without a name,
with armor black and shiny,
He brought forth his sword
and without a word,
spanked the monster's hiney!

And the peasants did cry!
Hoorah Hoo-Rie!
For ridding them of the beast!

But a teacher found our Hero,
with his head there laid in rest,
and did wake him from his glory,
with drool upon his chest.

First Memories of Fishing

I have a lot of memories of fishing with both my grandfathers and my father when I was a child. I was very lucky to grow up in one of the greatest extended families on the planet. Everyone loved to camp and fish and everyone loved to invest in their kids' futures. One of the trips that stick out in my mind the most was one I took with my grandfather, Pjoe. I even wrote a story about it when I was a kid, for the young author's conference.

Pjoe had this little Dodge Dakota truck that would eventually be my first car. This truck had the distinct smell of whatever cologne or deodorant Pjoe wore and coffee. Predominantly coffee. He had a little CB radio under the console and about a million oil change receipts in the glove compartment. Pjoe had a habit of saving every single receipt related to that truck. I could never resist opening the glove box of someones car when I was a kid. I was fascinated with secret compartments. I remember how excited I was to be riding in that truck with the boat behind it on our way to go fishing. I was also very nervous because I was worried I would mess up my reel or get hung on something and lose my lure.

The next thing I remember was the boat ramp. To this day I still enjoy the process of putting the boat in the water and the spike of excitement I get when I finally see the water. Even the smell of oil burning and the little slick spot on the water get my heart beating. Even as a kid I enjoyed these simple things almost as much or more than the fishing itself. To be honest I don't remember the fishing that day as much as I do the trip to the lake itself, I just remember that my Pjoe loved me and enjoyed having me go fishing with him. I can't wait to share and experience some of these same memories with my son.

Quotes from Bloodstone

Just finished a book by one of my favorite authors, David Gemmell, called Bloodstone and thought I would list a few quote that really caught my attention. There was another one too, but I can't find it now.

"Man is capable of greatness, love, nobility, compassion. Yet never forget that his capacity for evil is infinite. It is a sad truth, boy, that if you sit now and think of the worst tortures that could ever be inflicted on another human being, they will already have been practiced somewhere. If there is one sound that follows the march of humanity, it is the scream."
-Bloodstone pg 209-210

Lowes Employees are Retards

So I had a bad Experience at lowes today. Here is the email I sent their customer service address on their website.

"I was on lowes.com and noticed a Dremel Tool was on sale for 34.97. I went to the closest store on my lunch break to purchase said Dremel and when it rang up it was 54.99. I advised the cashier that on the website it showed 34.97, and I was referred to the hardware associate. He referred me to the manager. The manager verified that it was 34.97 on the website, but that they do not price match from their own website. She told me I would have to order it on the website and come back and pick it up at the store.

I just want to express how utterly ridiculous this process was and how I feel like I have lost not only a good bit of my personal time but also part of my intelligence for even having been exposed to this level of stupidity. I went ahead and purchased the item online and I will go pick it up at the store when I get off work this afternoon. Then when I get home I will use my Dremel to carve a statue of Short Bus with a Lowe's sign on it. I bid you Good Day."

So...

Me and Devin went and saw some bands at Workplay last week and had and awesome time. I really miss being in a band and playing lead guitar. Playing in a band is the ultimate team sport, because you work as a team and almost always have that victory feeling after jamming together. So this week I have scoured ebay, craigslist, and every other musical website looking for guitars to satisfy my frothing need for song making and G-sting Bending. But I have put my family and responsibilities above my "need" for a guitar. We're caught up on everything, about to put 1000$ emergency fund in savings, and are on track to start paying off some debt.

I remebered that Mom had tried to do something very nice for me for Christmas. She had taken Dad's old acoustic from when he was a teenager and get it fixed up. Unfortunately Bebaw (My Grandad) had "rigged" it back in the day and there was no way to repair it. Mom also had an old acoustic that she got when she was a little girl in New Mexico. It was a little banged up, but still in playable condition. So she let me have it and I polished it up and replaced some broken pegs and its in pretty decent working order. And it means a good bit more to me than anything else I would have bought.