Rednecks of Rivendell

We had been driving for hours through the mountain roads of Arkansas. Our quest for the flesh of the tasty trout had been successful and we were on the long trek back home when we happened through the town of Rivendell, Arkansas. The gas light had just blinked on and we decided to stop and fill up and look for somewhere to eat. We pulled our mighty Toyota Tacoma into the first gas station we saw, Lord ElRon's Kum and Go. I left my fellow adventurer Zane to pump the gas and I went inside to converse with the locals.

" Hail good citizens! We are passing through on the journey back from a long and arduous quest and hope to seek sustenance in this fair town," I announced as I walked through the chiming door. A man behind the counter with the most rocking mullet I have ever experienced and the pointy ears of an elf looked up from behind his MELFs magazine.
"Wellll hell boy! Welcome to the home of the Elves and the Dale Earnhardt fan club. I am Lord ElRon. If you need it, the pisser is in the back, and my daughter A. Owens makes a mean Lambis Bread and rabbit stew down at the Mother Elfin Cafe about two blocks down."
I saluted the man in thanks and returned to my fellow adventurers.
"Tis a strange land Sir Zane, tell my brother Justin to be wary of his tongue and let's seek to slay our hunger at this Mother Elfin Cafe."

So we mounted our mighty steed and drove the short distance to the cafe. When we arrived we noticed the cafe was full of the strange locals and we took a seat amongst them. A young waitress came over and asked us what we would have.
"Well I have heard the Lambis bread and Rabbit stew is quite good, we will all have a bit of that."
She put her hands on her hip and smiled, "Did Lord Elron tell you that? He just loves my Lambis corn bread and rabbit stew. I'll bring some right out."
As we waited for our order and took in the surroundings, these were not your normal elves we had read about in the tomes of old. Instead of long elegant bows of wood they had Tri-Cam Matthews compound bows and quivers of carbon fiber arrows. Instead of the graceful Toyota Avalon they drove Ford and Chevy pickup trucks with lifts and 33-inch mudders. We received our food and ate until we could eat no more.

When we arose to leave we noticed a few of the strange elves meandering around our mode of transportation. We walked out the door and I hailed them.
"Greetings!"
There were three of them, all with trucker hats and stained white tank tops. One of them smiled with several gaps showing ans said, " Boy, yalls got pretty ears! Sure would like to make you squeal like an Orc!" My jaw dropped and I rared back and punch the elf right in the cake hole. Then in the confusion we jumped in the truck and sped off towards the safety of home. Many a day my companions and I look back on the experience of Rivendell and shudder in disgust. Although...that was some really good Lambis corn bread at the Mother Elfin Cafe.