Have to click it..
Friday, December 19, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
My Lover...
Oh how I have missed you. It has been to long since I gently caressed you with my tongue and undressed you slowly in the car. You are so sweet to me, your supple curves get my heart racing and I start to lose control of the steering wheel as I reach for you. The only thing that would be better would be if there were two of you, so one could watch as I nibble on the other. Honeybuns are sooooo good.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Bad Influence
The See-and-Say is possibly one of the most dangerous toys around. It looks innocent enough until you realize the motive behind it. This simple toy is meant to brainwash our children into becoming addicted gamblers. It tempts them with the joy of randomness, but the problem is they never learn a valuable lesson. With a See-and-Say you always win, pull the handle and you get a horse sound. Congrats Timmy, you won! Pull the lever and you hear a sheep sound. Wow Timmy you won again, when you pull this handle you always win...just like with slot machines! WRONG! Please be wary of this dangerous toy and the habits it tries to teach our children, because you don't always win in life...just ask this guy. (He's homeless..)
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Corn Chips are from Satan
Looks are deceiving. Especially when it comes to potato chip bags. When you first partake of the visual beauty of the packaging that is the potato chip bag, you find your self expecting enough potato chips to last quite a while. Upon opening this treasure trove of potato goodness you are struck with the horror that it is mostly filled with air and only one-third of the bag contains chips.
The experience is not the same when it comes to a bag of corn chips. When you take a bag of corn chips into your hands you really feel like you have something. There is a significant weight to the bag as soon as you grasp it in your hand and you can tell there is no large pocket of air to act as a buffer to the outside world. Upon opening the bag of corn chips their golden glory shines out like the dawning sun! There are thousands upon thousands of corn chips in a single bag, enough to last all week, more than enough to cover the entire kitchen floor. I hate you corn chips, from the depths of my soul I hate you.
Instead of following the pack and putting less chips per bag like everyone else, you decide to have enough in your bag that it floods my kitchen floor when my 18 month old decides to inevitably dump them out. You know what I hate? I hate Fritos...Corn Chips.
The experience is not the same when it comes to a bag of corn chips. When you take a bag of corn chips into your hands you really feel like you have something. There is a significant weight to the bag as soon as you grasp it in your hand and you can tell there is no large pocket of air to act as a buffer to the outside world. Upon opening the bag of corn chips their golden glory shines out like the dawning sun! There are thousands upon thousands of corn chips in a single bag, enough to last all week, more than enough to cover the entire kitchen floor. I hate you corn chips, from the depths of my soul I hate you.
Instead of following the pack and putting less chips per bag like everyone else, you decide to have enough in your bag that it floods my kitchen floor when my 18 month old decides to inevitably dump them out. You know what I hate? I hate Fritos...Corn Chips.
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Smelly Cat
My wife decided to move the litter box into the laundry room/office just to make sure my 2 year old stays out of it. So there I am, all by my lonesome playing on the computer when I hear scratch scratch scratch in the litter box. I think to myself, "Wow cats really are cool. They are so much cleaner than dogs." Then the cat comes and climbs up my bare legs and takes a seat in my lap. At the exact same moment said cat sits down it hits me. The cat has eaten uranium and just created a nuclear warhead in the litter box. I commence to gagging.
In a state of panic I run out of the room into the kitchen to get as far away as possible from the encroaching abomination to the sense of smell. There is no getting away from it, if I snorted bleach it would not be enough to cleanse the rampant horror abiding in my nose. I throw open the cabinet doors under the kitchen sink and start throwing out everything that isn't poisonous, because this is not a mere smell anymore. It is a living breathing horror from the seventh level of hell with a thousand devouring maws of razor sharp teeth waiting to feast on my soul should I venture back into the computer room.
I armor myself for battle by spraying my entire body with a combination of Febreeze and Lysol. Then I pulled my shirt over my nose and started towards the office. I took one step into the green haze and could have sworn I heard the Lyson and Febreeze cans whimper in fear. I barrel rolled into the room with aerosol guns blazing, the smell had me surrounded but I finally beat it back and captured the source in 5 layers of plastic grocery bags. A few days later when I walked by the trash can it was placed in it seems the trash can had melted at the bottom and left a little hole. The cats evil creation is still looming out there, somewhere, waiting for the right time... TO STRIKE!!
Anyways... can someone reccomend a catfood to help with this or do they make feline butt plugs?
In a state of panic I run out of the room into the kitchen to get as far away as possible from the encroaching abomination to the sense of smell. There is no getting away from it, if I snorted bleach it would not be enough to cleanse the rampant horror abiding in my nose. I throw open the cabinet doors under the kitchen sink and start throwing out everything that isn't poisonous, because this is not a mere smell anymore. It is a living breathing horror from the seventh level of hell with a thousand devouring maws of razor sharp teeth waiting to feast on my soul should I venture back into the computer room.
I armor myself for battle by spraying my entire body with a combination of Febreeze and Lysol. Then I pulled my shirt over my nose and started towards the office. I took one step into the green haze and could have sworn I heard the Lyson and Febreeze cans whimper in fear. I barrel rolled into the room with aerosol guns blazing, the smell had me surrounded but I finally beat it back and captured the source in 5 layers of plastic grocery bags. A few days later when I walked by the trash can it was placed in it seems the trash can had melted at the bottom and left a little hole. The cats evil creation is still looming out there, somewhere, waiting for the right time... TO STRIKE!!
Anyways... can someone reccomend a catfood to help with this or do they make feline butt plugs?
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
The Nose Knows
Ever since my Sledding accident I have had chronic sinus infections everytime the temperature drops or raises 10-15 degrees. I always thought that I was messed up because I only breathe out of one nostril at a time and it fluctuates between the different nostrils. Well I did some research today and found this interesting tid-bit:
Why is it we only breathe out of one Nostril?
"Because the brain cycles between hemispheres every 90 minutes or so, one becoming dominant over the other, when you breathe through your right nostril the left side of the brain is active and vice versa, it is believed that if you block one nostril you can engage the other hemisphere, logical hemisphere = right nostril (left hemisphere active), and creative hemisphere = left nostril (right hemisphere active). Research has found there really is such a thing as the nasal cycle (two to eight hours long) and that there is a connection between the predominant nostril and the opposite brain hemisphere.
A 1988 study found that right nostril breathing significantly increases blood glucose levels while left nostril breathing lowers it. Interestingly, yogis believe that diabetes is caused by a nasal cycle abnormality of predominantly breathing through the right nostril for many years. A 1993 study found that forced right nostril breathing (four times a day for one month) significantly increased oxygen consumption compared to breathing through the left nostril.A 1994 study published in the International Journal of Psychophysiology found that alternate nostril breathing appears to have a balancing effect on the functional activity of the left and right hemisphere of the brain. Your left brain is the logical structured side while your right brain is the creative imaginative side. "
So I tested this and about every hour and a half I DO switch the nostrils I am breathing predominantly out of. HOW WEIRD IS THAT?!?!
Why is it we only breathe out of one Nostril?
"Because the brain cycles between hemispheres every 90 minutes or so, one becoming dominant over the other, when you breathe through your right nostril the left side of the brain is active and vice versa, it is believed that if you block one nostril you can engage the other hemisphere, logical hemisphere = right nostril (left hemisphere active), and creative hemisphere = left nostril (right hemisphere active). Research has found there really is such a thing as the nasal cycle (two to eight hours long) and that there is a connection between the predominant nostril and the opposite brain hemisphere.
A 1988 study found that right nostril breathing significantly increases blood glucose levels while left nostril breathing lowers it. Interestingly, yogis believe that diabetes is caused by a nasal cycle abnormality of predominantly breathing through the right nostril for many years. A 1993 study found that forced right nostril breathing (four times a day for one month) significantly increased oxygen consumption compared to breathing through the left nostril.A 1994 study published in the International Journal of Psychophysiology found that alternate nostril breathing appears to have a balancing effect on the functional activity of the left and right hemisphere of the brain. Your left brain is the logical structured side while your right brain is the creative imaginative side. "
So I tested this and about every hour and a half I DO switch the nostrils I am breathing predominantly out of. HOW WEIRD IS THAT?!?!
Monday, December 1, 2008
My Fuzz Overfloweth
This may sound absolutely stupid, but I feel like my recent downward spiral is because I am sick of all my hair. I feel nasty all the time with longer than normal hair, but the stupid barber shop has been closed everytime I go to get it cut. I am also sleep deprived because I have not gotten a new mask for my CPAP machine so when I don't use it I am not really getting any rest. Taking Nyquill last night did not help at all like I hoped it would. I didn't shake off the groggy feeling until late this afternoon and I still have to stand up really slow.
Devin made the Cullen family on the SIMS and we are in a constant battle for computer time. I think its funny though..
Devin made the Cullen family on the SIMS and we are in a constant battle for computer time. I think its funny though..
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