Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Smelly Cat

My wife decided to move the litter box into the laundry room/office just to make sure my 2 year old stays out of it. So there I am, all by my lonesome playing on the computer when I hear scratch scratch scratch in the litter box. I think to myself, "Wow cats really are cool. They are so much cleaner than dogs." Then the cat comes and climbs up my bare legs and takes a seat in my lap. At the exact same moment said cat sits down it hits me. The cat has eaten uranium and just created a nuclear warhead in the litter box. I commence to gagging.

In a state of panic I run out of the room into the kitchen to get as far away as possible from the encroaching abomination to the sense of smell. There is no getting away from it, if I snorted bleach it would not be enough to cleanse the rampant horror abiding in my nose. I throw open the cabinet doors under the kitchen sink and start throwing out everything that isn't poisonous, because this is not a mere smell anymore. It is a living breathing horror from the seventh level of hell with a thousand devouring maws of razor sharp teeth waiting to feast on my soul should I venture back into the computer room.

I armor myself for battle by spraying my entire body with a combination of Febreeze and Lysol. Then I pulled my shirt over my nose and started towards the office. I took one step into the green haze and could have sworn I heard the Lyson and Febreeze cans whimper in fear. I barrel rolled into the room with aerosol guns blazing, the smell had me surrounded but I finally beat it back and captured the source in 5 layers of plastic grocery bags. A few days later when I walked by the trash can it was placed in it seems the trash can had melted at the bottom and left a little hole. The cats evil creation is still looming out there, somewhere, waiting for the right time... TO STRIKE!!

Anyways... can someone reccomend a catfood to help with this or do they make feline butt plugs?

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